From Despair to Connection—in One Therapy Session
By Dr. Debi Gilmore
Co-Founder of Building A Lasting Connection®
Recently a couple came to me to determine if there was anything left to fight for in their marriage. Normally, I would encourage them to commit to several sessions and gently move into some EFT work. This would allow me to help them uncover their hidden longings, disowned needs, and reveal the negative patterns that have kept them so disconnected. I knew they were blinded by their own loneliness and pain. However, they told me they were only willing to give it one session… one session? Seriously? It likely took them years to fall into this trench of darkness and pain. I silently pondered, “How can I help clear their vision just enough to help them both capture a glimpse of hope?” Aha! I knew what to do; I pulled out the Connection System® mat, unfolded it, and carefully laid it on the floor.
Fortunately, they were willing to give it a try. I had them stand on the “Pause Place,” which is where we always begin the Connection System® session. This offers a sense of grounding, mindfulness, and synergy that prepares the way for clarity, confidence, and personal direction. I slowly guided them through the preparatory process. That was when the magic took hold. As they moved from “Slow,” to “Breathe,” and to “Touch,” the energy and emotion in my office slowly grew, expanded, and influenced the process with a sweet spirit of hope. One partner was reluctant to touch the other, but with my gentle encouragement, and as they took their time and allowed the embrace, I felt a distinct shift in power. Suddenly the mood was softer. The reluctant partner looked over at me seeking reassurance. With my smile and nod, and my knowing look of confidence, the reluctant one shifted from withdrawal to acceptance.
The next hour, we spent slowly uncovering thoughts, feelings, fears, and new awareness that had never been discussed before. This couple appeared to be learning about each other for the first time, and on a much deeper level—in a way they had never been able to explore before. The Connection System® created a structure and level of emotional safety that allowed the couple to unlock feelings of otherwise hidden pain that up until then, had not been possible to be revealed. They were able to hear each other differently, understand each other more clearly, and found levels of compassion for themselves and their partner that otherwise would not have been possible in just one session! Through the gentle containment of the 8’ x 4’ Connection System® mat, they were able to safely discover new possibilities.
That day, this couple committed to multiple sessions of EFT, and began to slowly heal the hurts, injuries, loneliness, and barriers that prevented them from being their true selves. This new journey helped them become the lover, the sweetheart, the best friend they wanted to be for each other, but just couldn’t find the way. I will never forget this experience, and many others like this, that was made possible through the powerful tool of our Building A Lasting Connection® program and Connection System® mats.
We would love to hear about your success stories! Please send them our way so we can share them with the world as more couples discover the magic of Building A Lasting Connection®.
October 16, 2023 @ 5:08 am
Thank you for sharing this inspirational account of how the BLC process could help a hopeless couple move into hope, compassion, connection and re-commitment.