Rebecca Jorgensen, PhD SEFT, Co-Founder of Building A Lasting Connection®
Threats to our relationship security can be introduced in a number of ways: disagreements,
differences and misunderstandings we haven’t learned to navigate yet. We need to buffer those
potential threats by building security through regular contact that provides threat prevention as well
as buffers us for stressful times.
This is where rituals of connection come in. Rituals of connection are moments of predictable and
regularly repeated meaningful contact that nourish, soothe and reassure each other that we matter.
You probably already have some of these important rituals built in to your relationship that cushion
you against stress and sustain your relationship, such as a date night or having a daily check-in.
Relationship science lets us know that connecting rituals are especially powerful at attachment
significant moments. Here are three attachment significant events you can start with to develop some powerful attachment rituals to safeguard and build your relationship. Times of:
Some examples of simple rituals are saying hello and goodbye, good morning and goodnight, and
taking a deep breath and your partner’s hand when tension arises.
While it will take some conscious effort, especially to begin with, you can get a lasting love reward
when you create connection rituals around these 3 types of regular relationship events.
Here’s how some couples have implemented attachment rituals:
- At the end of every day, no matter the hour or the mood at the time, William and Amelia’s
last words to anyone in the world are to each other, “good night, I love you.”
- Brooklyn and Aiden say “Hello Amour” to start each text message and end the convo with a thumbs up acknowledgement.
- Jamie and Amos say “hot topic” when a discussion (or imagined discussion) starts to
become tense for either of them. Then they each take a deep breath together and hold
hands to work on keeping the tension from increasing.
Take a few minutes together and plan, or review, some attachment rituals for your relationship. You can focus on creating these building and buffering moments during times of tension as well as
partings and reunions such as hello’s and goodbyes, good morning’s and good night’s. Since these are moments that happen regularly in every romantic relationship, it is important that you mindfully
make them moments that strengthen and build your relationship.
We’d love to know what attachment rituals you have or create. Please consider sharing them with us by replying to this email. And happy connecting!